Shaking the Booty -- Women and Men Gone Wild

While the trend of augmenting buttocks has taken off in the United States, it has now reached the continent of Africa where they have a new reason for shakin’ it.

It all happened because of a hit song known as “Big Bottom” in the African nation, Ivory Coast.

Here’s a YouTube take on it:

Ivory Coast recording artists D.J. Mix and DJ Eloh penned a smash hit, Bobaraba, or, “Big Bottom” in the local Djoula language, intending the tune as a compliment to women with larger bottoms. So when the song plays, many women and a few more men (including macho soccer stars) crowd the dance floor to shake their respective Bobarabas.

(Nobody at the American consulate seems to know if K.C. and the Sunshine Band’s top hit, “Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake Your Booty” has been translated into Djoula.)

Authentic Bobarabas

The trend only goes astray as more and more women try to enhance their rear ends by using cheap ($2 each) Chinese supplied vitamin B-12 shots. Unfortunately, B-12 shots only cure vitamin B-12 insufficiency. More.

Authentic, enthusiastic Bobarabas
shaking. (Bazil.Rauback.SXC photo)

Imagine what will happen when the trend reaches America where many plastic surgeons offer buttocks augmentation of the female derrière.

A conversation like this may take place in thousands of American homes:

Wife: Darling, do I look fat in this dress?

Husband: I ain’t touchin’ that question with a ten-foot pole!

Wife: No, really. If my booty isn’t “big bottom” enough, I want to get it enlarged.

Husband: What’s this going to cost me?

Wife: What’s the difference? Don’t you want me to be happy?

Husband: Happiness is having a big bottom?

Wife: Sure! You can’t really dance the Bobaraba with a skinny ol’ bottom like mine! Oh, boo-hoo, boo-hoo! (She’s thinking, “Now! Hit the waterworks!”)

Husband: How ‘bout an unlimited supply of some nice B-12 shots? (Ah-ha! So the husband has been reading the Ivory Coast news!)

Wife: Nope! I want the real thing! I want buttocks augmentation from a plastic surgeon seen on television, with his own fan club and movie star patients. (And she has been watching a lot of American television!)

Husband: Uh, well, B-12 shots are quicker. (He reads the Ivory Coast news daily.)

Wife: Oh, boo-hoo, boo-hoo. You don’t love me! You want me to have a flat bottom! (She’s thinking, “I hope this works; I can’t cry much more!”)

Husband: O.K. forget the B-12 shots. Here’s a blank check for the buttocks enlargement! (He’s thinking: “Maybe now I won’t have to spend the week end moving that 900 pound, 18-piece sectional couch all over the living room to new positions so she can have it back where it first was!”)

Attention husbands and wives: under the strict medical and scientific guidelines known as “looking before you leap,” here’s more on what buttocks augmentation is all about.

The next thing we would all like to know: who’s going to write the next hit song about shaking it in the U.S. bottoms?

Tattoo with a Breast Implant: It’s ba-a-a-a-a-ck!

We hate to say we told you so but, hey, did we not tell you so?

According to alert reader (and author) Dr. DiSaia writing in his most excellent blog Truth in Cosmetic Surgery., the man-with-the-breast-implant-tattoo-on-his-leg has suffered a medical setback.

For newer alert readers who have just signed onto our own most excellent blog, a January column here told about the top eight most far out uses ever for breast implants.

Number 7 told of a tattoo aficionado (that means he digs them a lot!) who inked a busty woman on his lower leg.

Here’s our blog post from January 9, 2008:

Above, Lane’s right leg. He is editor of
a body art and tattoo magazine in Edmonton, Alberta.

Thinking that a 2-D tat was too tame, Canadian Lane Jensen
asked a tattoo artist and wannabe surgeon to open his leg and surgically
implant tiny breast implants in the anatomically correct position of a
buxom woman tattoo. (Note: Do not try this at home. While these people were
totally untrained professionals working in a dangerous environment, they were lucky!
Lane still has his leg which is a miracle in itself!) And, hey, this is no time for quips about him being a breast-or-leg man!

(We don’t make these things up! Even if we did who could dream up a chesty leg?)

According to and the good Dr. DiSaia, the tiny implant burst, probably causing a nasty infection. That’s my guess judging from the angry red slash on the far left side of his leg.

Nonetheless, we wish him good health and remind him of the classic observation in Buddhism: “If you lose, don’t lose the lesson!”

I suppose the lesson here would be something along the lines of letting the pros do the surgery? “Pro,” in this case, meaning somebody who actually graduated from medical school.

The good news? He’s got his leg! So far, anyhow.

If you’re up for a story on what else can go wrong in plastic surgery, read more. (AFTER lunch, that is; the article is not what you would call appetite enhancing.)

The US Supreme Court (SCOTUS) has dramatically shifted the balance of power in product liability lawsuits for makers of medical devices. By an 8-1 margin last week, the Justices decided that the tort system should not be a system that second guesses the scientific evaluations of the FDA on medical device designs. In the "Riegel Case", the Supreme Court concluded that the premarket approval process (PMA) would bar patients from later filing lawsuits.

This week they're hearing similar arguments over pharmaceuticals in Warner-Lambert v. Kent , a case from Michigan, click here to read about. The case was brought by plaintiffs who claim they were injured as a result of taking the diabetes pill, Rezulin, which has since been withdrawn from the US market. The plaintiffs claim the company withheld evidence from the F.D.A. of potential dangers to the liver that might have led the agency to deny an approval. They fighting against existing precedent from a 2001 case where the Supreme Court held that plaintiffs cannot sue based upon claims that a manufacturer defrauded the F.D.A.

While no one would reward fraud by industry, this claim has exploded by trial lawyers in all these cases and frequently comes down to statistical hair-splitting of published data rather then some "smoking gun" company memo. Even liberal jurist Steven Breyer has expressed frustration and skepticism of using state or federal courts to "retry" the FDA approval process before people unqualified to understand or interpret most of the studies and data that will be argued over. He posed the rhetorical question of who should be the arbiter of product safety during oral arguments yesterday,
An expert agency (the FDA) on the one hand or 12 people pulled randomly for a jury role who see before them only the people whom the drug hurt and don’t see those who need the drug to cure them?

This whole debate relates a little to the whole breast implant controversy from two decades ago where trial lawyers pulled off a multi-billion dollar shakedown of Dow Corning and others based on innuendo. We now have compelling safety studies from all over the world and universal treatment of these products by every western government health agency. It would appear these recent SCOTUS decisions would put the final stake in product liability cases relating to approved breast implant designs or materials. It's a little moot anyway, as trial lawyers largely haven't taken implant cases for years anyway as they're aware of the consensus body of of literature and know there's no money in it.

You know you're having a bad week when you end up as a featured celebrity on Awful Plastic Surgery. Britt Eklund, former James Bond uber-chick, agent Mary Goodnight from 1974's "The Man With the Golden Gun" (the definitive Roger Moore-era Bond picture for my money), was the guest of honor last week with Awful Plastic Surgery zeroing in on her "trout pout" from over augmented lips. Poor Britt is still stinging from being voted in Entertainment Weekly (here) as the "6th Worst Bond Girl" in 2006 (Denise Richards character, Dr. Christmas Jones, the hot pants wearing nuclear physicist takes top honors for "The World Is Not Enough" BTW)

In 2007 that is usually achieved with an off the shelf filler like Juvederm or Restylane, while in years past it would have been collagen, fat grafts, or the occasional Gore-Tex implant.

Yeah, I guess her lips are pretty noticeably enlarged, but it was probably the least of her features that I zoned in on. She's got a very instructive feature on facial aging. Take note of her upper eyelids from her 20's versus her late 50's.

In her youth, she has full eyelids with very little upper lid skin showing. Presently, she has fairly hollowed out lids and lots of eyelid skin visible. These changes can happen naturally, but they're also the byproduct of classic upper lid blepharoplasty surgery. Many patients come in with the idea that a youthful eye should show lots of lid skin, such that they can apply lots of eyeshadow in that area.

Survey fashion magazines and take note of the models eyes. You'll see the same phenomena in that a youthful lid is full, quite often low, and shows little skin. We've undergone dramatic reinterpretation of oculoplastic procedures in recent years to recognize the actual problems. Gone is the axiom of taking as much skin, muscle, and fat so as to make the lid completely flat, even when the patient requests it. Many eyelid super specialists like Dr. Steve Fagien from Boca Raton,FL (the most elegant and logical speaker on this for my money) have gone to minimalist approaches resecting tiny amounts of skin, while using fat redraping,fat grafts, or fillers to augment the area.


A Gecko Foot for Incisions

Surgery helped by a lizard? Ants used for stitches?

Ever wonder how a Gecko hangs from a ceiling all day by one toe?

Turns out, if you look really, really close, a Gecko has millions of hairy, sticky thingies on the bottom of each foot that allows the creature to hang onto almost anything. It even sticks under water.

Gold dust day Gecko.

So what’s that got to do with plastic surgery, you ask? Good question.

Scientists have developed a new bandage that works the same way as a Gecko’s foot. Imagine getting some plastic surgery that has a long scar -- like a tummy tuck -- and then showing people how your skin is being held together by a bandage inspired by a lizard.

The bandage can be folded and refolded, wrapped around a hole in a bladder or used to reseal a segment of intestine after surgery. Read more.

As for ants, it gets even more weird: Certain ants have been used to suture wounds without stitches. The skin on either side of a wound is brought together and the ants induced to bite so that their jaws hold the skin together.

Then the ants are decapitated leaving their head attached with jaws clamped tight until the wound heals!

Of course, that’s mostly used in jungle medicine. Your basic plastic surgeon will probably stick to stitches and needles.
You may already know that the United Kingdom (Scotland, Wales, England and Northern Ireland) have a single, taxpayer health care system known as the National Health Service (NHS.)

(naktouf photo)

The U.K. is a very civilized place -- soccer riots notwithstanding -- so folks don’t much cotton to bullying. Also verboten is serious teasing, rude e-mail, sticking tongues out, making faces or using neiner! neiner! neiner! too forcefully. So hundreds of young bully victims have had taxpayer provided cosmetic plastic surgery -- like breast enlargement or breast reduction, nose surgery or ear pinning -- so they won’t be bugged about their looks. Read more.

The school bullies I knew in the South were so mean they would throw a drowning man both ends of a rope. Or maybe toss him a bucket of water. How to deal with them? Just remember the words of English Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli: “Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke. “
Dolly Parton has a nickname for her, er, generous bosom. Her inspiration?

Remember the invasion of Iraq four years ago?

When the U.S. Army and Air Force get serious about their work, they refer to hundreds of bombs going off on enemy targets as “Shock and Awe.”

Country singer Dolly Parton, always known for her huge bust, nicknamed them, not something logical like “Massive-Way-Too-Huge-for-a-Tiny-Frame-Implants” but, you guessed it, “Shock and Awe.”

I just hope no explosives are hidden in there!

(Like most Southerners, Dolly is also outspoken. She once said: “I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out!”)

It turns out Dolly is a-belly achin’ bout them thar huge knockers a-cause they is a-hurtin’ her pore ol’ back cuz she is a-carryin’ them big ole things ‘round the whole durn day.

(I’m allowed to mock Tennessee accents because I was born there and used to sound just like Sergeant York as a child, uh, that is, I mean, as a little bitty young-un.)

(jzlomek photo)
This is my cousin, my uncle and my
grandfather. He played the Hillbilly boy
guitar player in the movie, “Deliverance.”

Read more about ol’ Dolly:

However, if you are bosom challenged, there is help. Read more about breast augmentation through the belly button!
Can you do any worse than dropping your USB stick into a baby’s puree?

What's this? Data disasters? Hey, what’s that got to do with plastic surgery, anyhow?

Usually, not a whole lot. But I bet you are reading this on a computer and at some time in your computing life, have lost some data. (So chill. We’ll chat up some plastic surgery later. Wait until you read about Dolly Parton!)

Just like there are surgeons who can make you look better, there are “surgeons” who can pluck your lost data from whatever morass you have subjected your computer to. And with people messing up all over, the data recovery dudes do a land office business!

Yearly, Ontrack Data Recovery, a global firm headquartered in New Zealand, issues an annual list of the wacky ways people have lost computer information.

Here’s the list of the top data disasters recoveries from 2007:

10. A washing machine.

A woman dropped her USB stick into a washing machine, forgot about it and allowed the gizmo to wash, soak, spin, rinse and spin again. Oddly enough, the data stick didn’t seem to work any more. But the data geeks made sure the info was not all washed up.

9. Sticky baby goo.

A doting dad carrying his data stick in his shirt pocket leaned over and dropped it into his baby daughter’s dish of sticky apple puree. (Good thing he wasn’t changing a diaper!) The techies cleaned out the goop.

8. Man overboard!

You know how it is when you’re fishing. Long periods of nothing happening so you take along a book. One guy brought his laptop instead, but tripped and fell overboard, allowing the portable ‘puter to settle to the bottom of the lake. But the data life savers fixed it.

7. Remove the lens cap!

A professional photographer risked a large fee when he found he was using an already full chip to photograph a $40,000 wedding. The magicians at Ontrack Data fixed it before the bride got back from her honeymoon.

6. Electronic acid trip.

A scientist doing an experiment spilled acid on an external hard drive. Again, the experts pulled his supposedly burned data from the fire.

5. Put up your dukes!

(Penny Matthews photo)

An Australian businessman got into a fight with his partner. In the heat of combat, he picked up a USB stick -- containing valuable company data -- and threw it, breaking the dohickey into several pieces. But the data were recovered, anyhow.

4. Five Alarm Fire.

A business office caught on fire, destroying everything but a few CDs which melted onto the inside of their cases. It was a one-of-a kind job but the experts saved the contents of the scorched disks.

3. Quiet zone.

A British scientist became weary of a squeak in his hard drive so, employing the universal scientific deductive reasoning method, he drilled a hole in the case and poured in some oil. The bothersome noise stopped. So did the hard drive. But the experts found a way around a slippery situation.

2. Geronim-o-o-o-o-o-o!

To test a parachute, technicians rigged a camera as cargo and dropped it from a plane. But the parachute failed and broke the camera into several pieces. The recovery experts managed to put the camera’s memory stick back together, thereby recovering the parachute’s malfunction.

And, (drum roll please,) the top data disaster recovery for 2007, ta da!:

1. Pest control.

A Thai photographer found ants infecting his external hard drive. So he did the logical thing, removed the cover and sprayed the drive with insect killer. That did a deadly job on the pests and the hard drive until the data recovery people removed the little insect corpses and re-established control of the data.

What’s the wildest way you lost some computer files?

Bedsores and surgery - an exercise in futility?

A little blurb in today's New York Times "Fighting Bedsores With a Team Approach" got me thinking about pressure sores

In the Plastic Surgery and wound care literature there are literally thousands of papers published re. to the surgical treatment of pressure sores ulcers. Many very elegant operations where soft tissue and muscle flaps are rotated to cover these wounds have been described.

These ulcers add an estimated burden nearly $10 Billion USD of expenditures and an additional 2.2 million Medicare hospital days to the United States healthcare system. The cost of treatment of large ulcers can approach nearly $50,000, depending on the stage of development. For reconstructive surgery candidates, costs might be an additional $25,000+ per patient in surgical charges. The actual costs of preventing and treating pressure ulcers in hospitals are not easy to figure as costs are distributed across many providers and settings for nursing and clinical care, but the likely overall costs are stunning, with perhaps 5% or more of our total healthcare costs attributable in some way to patient care involved with these wounds.

What's the dirty secret about these wounds?

Almost all approaches besides letting these wounds heal by scarring (secondary intention) have abysmal track records. Data from medicare patients and from the VAMC have suggested that in excess of 90% of these reoccur within a year. When you consider the tremendous expense of these surgeries and post-operative convalescence, you have to wonder why we've treated these the way we have. Increasingly, you're seeing more plastic surgeons no longer attempt such aggressive closures which is evidence-based medicine at work.

If you are going to try to close these wounds, you've got to pick your spots. The only people I consider good candidates for closure are high functioning young paraplegics and older patients who have a reversible condition that led to the ulcer (ie. a hip fracture). A patient who can't relieve pressure themselves is an absolute contraindication in most instances to me.

As developing pressure sores are one of the indicators of quality that hospitals are being penalized for by the feds, we're seeing alot more of these documented. Many of these patients are nursing home medicare beneficiaries who bring with them multiple medical comorbidities, thin skin, immobility, incontinence, and nutritional problems. It is literally impossible to prevent breakdowns over bony areas and that shouldn't be the goal. We should try to prevent them from progressing to advanced stages for pragmatic care of these patients.

Lawsuits over pressure sores are a growth industry for the trial lawyers. Frequently when you talk to patients' families, they have poor understanding of the how's and why's of why these wounds develop which contributes to their anger sometimes and leads to them suing the nursing home or hospital. I try to explain it in simple terms with the concept that it is unrealistic in vulnerable patients to prevent pressure sores indefinitely as it is impossible to deliver perfect nursing care 24/7/365. Breakdowns are inevitable and should be expected, and the goal should be to minimize the damage.


Top Ten Famous Quotes about Plastic Surgery

1. “Plastic surgeons are always making mountains out of molehills.”
Dolly Parton

2. “A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a lobotomy.”
Joan Rivers

3. “I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.”
Rita Rudner

4. “She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.”
Groucho Marx

5. “I definitely believe in plastic surgery. I don't want to be an old hag. There's no fun in that.”
Scarlett Johansson

6. “It wasn't a fortune. It cost me the price of one-and-a-half Hermes handbags.”
Anne Robinson
British TV personality, “Queen of Mean” on her cosmetic surgery.

7. “A press agent created the legend that I was in an air crash during the war, and my face had to be put back together by plastic surgery. Well, if it is a 'bionic face,' why didn't they do a better job?”
Jack Palance

8. “Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
Dorothy Parker

9. “Pretty is something you're born with. But beautiful, that's an equal opportunity adjective.”
Author Unknown

10. “I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.”
Joan Rivers

2008 Plastic Surgery Board Certification data

The American Board of Plastic Surgery has released it's 2008 data on it's most recent board-certification testing applicants. Board certification takes passing both a written exam followed by an oral examination in the next 1-2 years.

The failure rate for each exam traditionally hovers around 20% (19.6% for the written and 21.4% for the orals in 2007), which is highest among all the surgical specialties certification processes, and continues to reaffirm the general opinion that the ABPS exam is the most difficult to pass. Another thing to keep in mind is that due to the intense competition for training spots, even those 20% who failed either exam were likely among the top-performing students in their medical school classes (for those who were in "integrated" programs where you start out of medical school) or in their prerequisite surgical residencies.

You can check your doctor's board-certification status for free at the American Board of Medical Specialties (ABMS)site (click here). The ABMS is the American gold-standard for physician accredidation and is what people are referring to when they talk about "board certification". Please note that organizations like the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery, The American Board of Cosmetic Surgery, and the American board of Cosmetic Gynecology(?)are not (and likely will never) be recognized by the ABMS.

The celebrity blog, Knifestyles of the Rich and Famous (LOVE that name!) had a post in December, "Doing Due Dilligence", (click here to read), which gives a little overview for the laypeople on this topic that's worth reading.

My dad always used to tell me, “Boy, you are completely technologically reclined!”

your friendly blogger, studying computers to avoid suffering
a misspent youth.

So I was never sure about most high-tech gizmos. In fact, I used to think that “rebooting” meant kicking somebody in the butt twice.

Then I met somebody to whom that had actually happened. Suffering from “Flat Butt Syndrome,” 42-year-old Kim R. in Baltimore had apparently been rebooted so many times her pants were always falling down. Read more.

So she went to see Dr. Ricardo Rodriguez, a Baltimore plastic surgeon who takes care of people with the following additional female rebooting symptoms:

*Needing tops that cover the butt

*Wearing undergarments with butt pads

Padded underwear for that
added booty look.

The solution? Sure, it’s Baltimore but she had a Brazilian Butt Lift anyhow. And now, she’s got back. Although she wasn’t allowed to sit down for two weeks. More.

A basic Brazilian butt. Note, however, the
beach is not Baltimore. Beaches there are, not
sand but crushed crab shells.

Plastic Surgery and the Dating Scene

Some of the “Milestone” events for getting plastic surgery are often for:


If the happy couple is lucky, the pictures will be handed down for generations. (The other 50 percent will eventually cut their despicable ex out of the wedding photos and go on from there.)

So everybody -- especially the mother of the bride -- wants to look sharp. (Here’s a website that follows wedding participants who spring for a pre-nuptial nip or tuck: Lovegevity.)


Suddenly, it’s 25 years later and your old classmates are taking turns telling you how great you look. The 1978 class babe (or stud) is staring at you, wondering how did I ever let her (or him) get away? Considering the dog the high school babe is currently with, you can bet your bottom dollar the former flame is kicking her-or-himself. And you? Lots of cosmetic plastic surgery. Priceless! Read more about plastic surgery and reunions.

*Returning to Dating

(Or, Finding the Sweaty T-shirt that Trips your Trigger!)

So, after many decades, you’ve freed yourself from the old ball and chain. Plus, the kids are off to college and the nest is empty. (Except between jobs and bad marriages, of course.)

Next big step: You’ve signed up with an online dating service and are looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, the person you should really be with. But you also find a big Gulp! stuck in your throat. You’re nervous about your heretofore ignored appearance so you visit a plastic surgeon.

For guys, it’s usually getting the love handles taken off, maybe a little gynecomastia surgery, perhaps an eyelid lift. New-to-dating women usually ask about a tummy tuck, other breast procedures and a face lift.

However, a new dating service thinks perhaps you can skip the knife altogether. Instead, they want you to sniff your new love interest and find the smell pleasant. Even if no soap and shower has been applied! More. takes a dab of your DNA and, uses a process with a tongue twisting name, “Major Histocompatibility Complex.” The technology then finds a match whose scent is pleasing to you. Of course, the other likes and dislikes are included in your profile which excludes people with scents like yours.

It’s based on real science.

In one famous study, women preferred the smell of T-shirts from men whose genes were most different from their own. Really! In exact, proper scientific language, it’s known as the “Sweaty T-shirt Experiment.” Read more.

All you do for the DNA test is rub the inside of your cheek with a cotton swab.

(Sorry, gals, nothing can be done about the smell of the gene that causes football watching all weekend. And, guys, researchers are still working on locating that mysterious female shopping gene which appears to be connected to the shoe-buying gene.)

Declares Eric Holzle, founder: “DNA matching is the chemistry of our service while values matching is the heart.

“When you share chemistry with someone, you’ll love their natural body fragrance,” he says. “They’ll smell sexier than other people.”

And, hey, don’t sweat it if you sign up. First dates do not require wearing on old T-shirt

What are your best first date stories?

Top Ten Medical DoubleSpeak Terms

Do you ever wonder what doctors, hospitals and other bureaucrats are really talking about? Don’t feel like only the lonely!

Yearly, the Canadian and United States Councils of Teachers of English round up examples of “doublespeak,” terms that try to soften tough words.

One of the most famous examples is politicians who talk about “Engaging in Revenue Enhancement” instead of only raising your taxes.

So you’ll know what medical administrators are talking about when you hear these double-dealing terms, we’ve added a handy translation chart. (Remember, we make up nothing up here; these are real terms collected from hospitals and actual medical offices by alert readers.)

1. Negative Patient Care Outcome.

It’s got nothing to do with statistics; it means the patient died. Death has also been referred to as “Immediate Permanent Incapacitation.”

2. Environmental Hygienist.

This is not somebody who cleans your teeth. It’s just a two-dollar word for “janitor.” (That job has also been known as “Sanitary Engineer” and “Minute Particle Placement Engineer.”)

3. Physical Freeway.

There are no cars here. It’s just a overblown term for the place that is swept by the Environmental Hygienist. You know it as a hallway.

4. Compensated Edentia.

If the patient is in for the above treatment and claims he can “gum the daylights out of his food,” it should give you a clue. It means false teeth.

5. Nutritional Avoidance Therapy.

A lot of people do this at the start of every year to lose weight. Except they usually call it what it is -- a diet.

6. Thermal Remediation Unit.

A bag of ice cubes.

7. Chronologically Experienced Citizens.

This is not a term you’ll find on a resume. It means old people who may need compensated edentia. See how easy it is? You’re understanding doublespeak already!

8. Digital Fever Computer

You don’t have to know any computer languages to use this. It’s a

9. Grapho-Motor Representation.

Sounds impressive, huh? And what’s more, doctors have, and use, lousy versions of it! Translation? Handwriting.

10. Outstanding Vintage Cuisine

I don’t know about you, but everything I’ve ever eaten in a hospital tastes
like this. Forget about it if you’re thinking Italian or French cuisine. It
means “leftovers.”

Imagine reading the following hospital report:

“The patient was philosophically disillusioned
(frightened) because he experienced a prematurely terminated airline flight
(crash) over his ability to continue engaging in movement experiences
(sports) and because he could not locate his data transport system (briefcase). The
patient was also was embarrassed because he was wearing a form persuader
(girdle) at the time of the accident and could not immediately go back to his
position as a loss prevention specialist (guard).

“Nonetheless, we must turn the case over to our portfolio administrator
(bill collector) even if the subject has to take a lesser paying job like
mobile mountain range technician (cowboy.)

(Well, okay, I made that up but you get the idea of what happens when
language like that goes without the handy explanations.

In my humble opinion,
writing like that kinda exceeds the olfactory thereshold (stinks,) don’t you think?

It’s almost like engaging in reality argumentation (lying.)

You have to wonder how ol’ Ben
would have been remembered if he had written:
“Nothing in life is certain except engaging in
revenue enhancement and negative patient care outcome.”

No Mom, no one has died from me giving them BOTOX.

Talk about the "Law of Unintended Consequence", the Drudge Report , highlighting a newswire link about the FDA looking at BOTOX-related deaths, has stirred up a bit of anxiety about one of the world's most popular cosmetic medicines. I've gotten a few patient emails over the last week asking about this. It even generated a phone call from my mother asking "Did you hear the FDA banned Botox?"

The newswire blub (here) doesn't really make clear what is being talked about with the "BOTOX deaths". The fatalities associated with have NOT been associated with cosmetic uses for wrinkles. The handful of deaths has mostly been in people being treated with high doses (MUCH in excess of cosmetic doses) for esophageal motility disorders and for spastic contractures in children with cerebral palsy.

Your esophagus is essentially a muscular tube, and botox has been used to relax overactive or chronically contracted muscle. A consequence of this is that you can facilitate aspiration of secretions into the lungs and cause acute repiratory distress. Like I mentioned before re. Donde West's death (see here) after cosmetic surgery, this type of aspiration was what I think was the reason she died suddenly.


We Are Multimedia!

We are committed to providing educational material and good communication with our patients. To that end, we have set up a whole spectrum of media resources available to the public. Here is a list of our available media outlets:
Now you can follow news about us and find information from many different resources. Everything from long form articles on our articles blog and detailed video descriptions of procedures on our YourTube channel to instant quick Tweets. And of course our web site offers detailed info on almost anything you might find interesting in the specialty. If you know of any other venues we should use to get the word out about plastic surgery, please let us know!

Many websites and newspapers reported a scheme wherein a Norwegian businessman living in Miami concocted a scheme to collect 3000 gallons of U.S. liposuction fat and turn it into 2600 gallons of bio-diesel.

Imagine the possibilities! Vehicles of a whole nation powered by cheeseburgers, gooey chocolate deserts and gallons of ice cream. All while sharply reducing foreign oil imports and flabby waist lines at home!

Will this take your car 40 miles?

And cremation? Forget about it! Just write in your will you want to become auto or truck fuel and spend, if not eternity, at least oh, maybe 40 to 50 miles burning with a little diesel fuel or some liquid corn! Maybe our bios from now on will list how many miles per gallon we’re worth. I can imagine future obituaries: “Man Mountain Dean was a big, big man. At six-foot-five and 300 pounds, he could send a Toyota 4 Wheel Drive Truck on a 2000-mile journey. And that was after death!”

Anybody ever see the 1970-ish Charles Heston movie Soylent Green? You could call this liposuction plan Soylent Gas.

Read More about the scheme to collect human fat for fuel.

Only trouble is, there are about a gazillion rules and regulations relating to what can be done with medical waste. Sending it to recycling centers with used French fry oil are noticeably absent.

Besides, the hospital says they never heard of the guy, hardly do any liposuction work and serve a low-income area where people tend not to get fat because they don’t eat all that often.

Falling for the bogus story was the Norwegian newspaper Aftenposten, U.P.I. and the Pittsburg Post-Gazette, among many other web sites.

Remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it will probably be in your morning newspaper!

What’s your favorite bogus story? (We list ours below.)

[] New Plastic Surgery Freeway in Beverly Hills.

Convenient off ramps at Tummy Tuck Place,
Liposuction Drive and other popular motoring
destinations in and around Beverly Hills.

[] Plastic Surgery Shapes Patients Ears like Elves’ for Better Hearing.

Pointed ears, collect the sound of music better.

[] “Miracle” Plastic Surgery Tape beats Real Surgery

Your humble blogger undergoing the rigors of
plastic surgery by tape.

Surgical Sponges -- Phone Home!

Don’t you just hate it when a surgical team forgets and leaves something inside you? Maybe it causes some rattling or that uncomfortable bloated feeling? Actually, it’s very serious.

A fix is coming -- at least for overlooked surgical sponges. A new high-tech system phones home when a sponge is used on a patient during the operation and again when the sponge is removed.

Not only that, but the device knows who put the sponges in and will tattle if one gets left behind!

Asterisc21 photo

Loyola University Health System in Illinois observed about 1500 cases every year where an object was left in the patient after surgery. Overlooked sponges are most commonly left behind because they soak up blood and look like part of the patient’s body.

So how does a dumb sponge call home? A tiny cell phone?

Nope, barcodes!

O.R. staffs now have sponges with a unique bar code attached to each. Just like when you’re buying groceries, somebody on the surgical team waves the sponges in front of another high-tech thingamajig that registers each sponge, its number, the time and the user. The clever machine knows who used the sponge because it reads the person’s bar coded badge!

Then, at the end of the operation, the device announces in a loud voice -- and displays on a bright screen -- if any sponges are missing and may be left behind. Otherwise, the patient might be inclined to call his attorney-at-you-know-what!

More bar codes for other surgical tools are coming next.

Read more:

Do you have a favorite O.R. story?

adamci photo

Before any cosmetic plastic surgery procedure, make sure you are in the hands of a capable surgeon. To be positive your surgeon knows his or her stuff, here are ten tough questions to ask.

1. Doctor, do you do this procedure regularly?

If you want rhinoplasty, (nose surgery) choose a surgeon who does it two or three times weekly. Super specialists save time, money and discomfort in the long run.

2. Is your board certification in the specialty in which you now practice?

Get straight answers. If your surgeon is board certified in gynecology but offers to lift your eyelids or your forehead, don’t you have things backwards?

3. Doctor, do you have any health problems that may interfere with your proficiency in doing the procedure?

If the doctor has a hook on his left arm where a hand used to be, you might want to think about having surgery there. Likewise, if the doctor is using Braille to read, maybe shop around a little.

4. What is your rate of positive outcomes and safety record, doctor? How did you handle your last complication?

Watch for an honest answer. No plastic surgery procedure turns out perfectly each and every time. In rhinoplasty, about five percent of operations go south even in the best of hands for reasons that have nothing to do with the doctor’s skill.

5. Will I be involved in marking the surgical site?

A plastic or cosmetic surgeon marks your body or face with surgical ink before the procedure. It shows him or her where to operate once you are prone and covered. Ask to go over the markings while you’re awake and alert.

6. After the procedure, ask: Did anything unexpected happen during the operation, doctor?

Ninety nine times out of 100 everything goes smoothly --
provided you’ve done your homework and selected a capable,
trained surgeon. (Read more on how to select a qualified plastic surgeon in the first place.)

7. Anything different about my post-op care?

You may need to baby yourself a little more afterwards because every patient is different. Some are good to go sooner; others should take it easy a few more days.

8. Did anything happen that could complicate my recovery?

A trained, experienced plastic surgeon will have a good idea when those bruises and swelling, if any, will go away and when you can go back to work and start exercising again.

9. Anything special I need to know in case of bleeding or other post-op complications?

10. When am I supposed to see you next, doctor?

Most surgeons want to take a quick look at your surgical site(s) and general health the very next day. After that, you’ll usually get another follow-up visit soon to remove bandages or stitches. Depending on the procedure, your after pictures could be taken two months after surgery.

What tough question would you ask a plastic surgeon? Before and after the operation?


We were pleased to have the people from CNBC at our offices recently. They came by to talk about our plastic surgery gift card and a few other things. We brought in several patients for them to meet and interview and they filmed a tour of our facility. The show was called "High Net Worth" and features many interesting stories on new lifestlye trends.

The report they did came out to be a lot of fun. You can view it, and other plastic surgery news, on our main web site.

Eyelash Wigs: Newest Cosmetic Offering from Japan

This is NOT PhotoShop. We practice evidence-based medicine around here and do not make things up! (Well, only unless we tell you about it afterwards, anyhow.)

Check out the latest cosmetic fad in Japan: Eyelash wigs.

Handmade from feathers or natural hair, the wigs are glued onto fluttering eyelids and come in a variety of colors and sizes from your friendly neighborhood eyelash wig bar. Some eyelash wigs are so long, they can even be braided. More. What do you think, gals? Thumbs up? Thumbs down?

So far, eyelash wigs have not reached U.S. shores, possibly because we offer eyelash transplants for those who are challenged in the eye winker department.